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arts / alt.arts.poetry.comments / Re: Cement Mountains

SubjectAuthor
* Cement MountainsEdward Rochester Esq.
`* Re: Cement MountainsAsh Wurthing
 `* Re: Cement MountainsEdward Rochester Esq.
  `- Re: Cement MountainsAsh Wurthing

1
Cement Mountains

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Subject: Cement Mountains
From: blackpoo...@aol.com (Edward Rochester Esq.)
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 by: Edward Rochester Esq - Sun, 27 Nov 2022 18:39 UTC

Cement Mountains

You have to get close
and quiet --have to disregard
dust and jagged edges,
climb man-made Everest,
peer into the smallest of cracks
and listen, for soon you’ll hear
the last wheeze from
a young mouth,
jet fighters above mocking
with their victorious scream,
contrails leaving
the epitaph.

Edward Rochester Esq.

Re: Cement Mountains

<2b1cb23e-da7a-49d0-8942-0dab80ae3424n@googlegroups.com>

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Subject: Re: Cement Mountains
From: ashwurth...@gmail.com (Ash Wurthing)
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 by: Ash Wurthing - Sun, 27 Nov 2022 18:48 UTC

On Sunday, November 27, 2022 at 1:39:32 PM UTC-5, blackpo...@aol.com wrote:
> Cement Mountains
>
> You have to get close
> and quiet --have to disregard
> dust and jagged edges,
> climb man-made Everest,
> peer into the smallest of cracks
> and listen, for soon you’ll hear
> the last wheeze from
> a young mouth,
> jet fighters above mocking
> with their victorious scream,
> contrails leaving
> the epitaph.
>
> Edward Rochester Esq.

Just a technical note- you can also use jet "bombers" as well if it would appeal more to your intent. Although jet fighters if taken literally as "fighter" in comparison to the youth/possible soldier/ground fighter also works nicely.
An aside if I may...
I found something in my listening that echoes something you have said in the past with your prose:

"Broadcast the images from all the media towers
You cover shooting after shooting
Talk about it for hours
You idolize a tragedy you made a star from a coward
Don't you realize all you did is give the next one more power?"
--'Fuck This Shit' ~~We Are The Flesh

Re: Cement Mountains

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Subject: Re: Cement Mountains
From: blackpoo...@aol.com (Edward Rochester Esq.)
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 by: Edward Rochester Esq - Sun, 27 Nov 2022 19:08 UTC

On Sunday, November 27, 2022 at 1:48:25 PM UTC-5, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> On Sunday, November 27, 2022 at 1:39:32 PM UTC-5, blackpo...@aol.com wrote:
> > Cement Mountains
> >
> > You have to get close
> > and quiet --have to disregard
> > dust and jagged edges,
> > climb man-made Everest,
> > peer into the smallest of cracks
> > and listen, for soon you’ll hear
> > the last wheeze from
> > a young mouth,
> > jet fighters above mocking
> > with their victorious scream,
> > contrails leaving
> > the epitaph.
> >
> > Edward Rochester Esq.
> Just a technical note- you can also use jet "bombers" as well if it would appeal more to your intent. Although jet fighters if taken literally as "fighter" in comparison to the youth/possible soldier/ground fighter also works nicely.
> An aside if I may...
> I found something in my listening that echoes something you have said in the past with your prose:
>
> "Broadcast the images from all the media towers
> You cover shooting after shooting
> Talk about it for hours
> You idolize a tragedy you made a star from a coward
> Don't you realize all you did is give the next one more power?"
> --'Fuck This Shit' ~~We Are The Flesh

"Bombers" seems to be more deadly but thought "Fighters' seems more inside the squared circle, the dodge and weave of it all.

Thanks, Ash..

Re: Cement Mountains

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Subject: Re: Cement Mountains
From: ashwurth...@gmail.com (Ash Wurthing)
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 by: Ash Wurthing - Sun, 27 Nov 2022 22:35 UTC

On Sunday, November 27, 2022 at 2:08:14 PM UTC-5, blackpo...@aol.com wrote:
> On Sunday, November 27, 2022 at 1:48:25 PM UTC-5, Ash Wurthing wrote:
> > On Sunday, November 27, 2022 at 1:39:32 PM UTC-5, blackpo...@aol.com wrote:
> > > Cement Mountains
> > >
> > > You have to get close
> > > and quiet --have to disregard
> > > dust and jagged edges,
> > > climb man-made Everest,
> > > peer into the smallest of cracks
> > > and listen, for soon you’ll hear
> > > the last wheeze from
> > > a young mouth,
> > > jet fighters above mocking
> > > with their victorious scream,
> > > contrails leaving
> > > the epitaph.
> > >
> > > Edward Rochester Esq.
> > Just a technical note- you can also use jet "bombers" as well if it would appeal more to your intent. Although jet fighters if taken literally as "fighter" in comparison to the youth/possible soldier/ground fighter also works nicely.
> > An aside if I may...
> > I found something in my listening that echoes something you have said in the past with your prose:
> >
> > "Broadcast the images from all the media towers
> > You cover shooting after shooting
> > Talk about it for hours
> > You idolize a tragedy you made a star from a coward
> > Don't you realize all you did is give the next one more power?"
> > --'Fuck This Shit' ~~We Are The Flesh
> "Bombers" seems to be more deadly but thought "Fighters' seems more inside the squared circle, the dodge and weave of it all.
>
> Thanks, Ash..

Both work for the poem has interpretive room...

arts / alt.arts.poetry.comments / Re: Cement Mountains

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