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arts / alt.arts.poetry.comments / Re: Ghosts Marching Home

SubjectAuthor
* Re: Ghosts Marching HomeNancyGene
`* Re: Ghosts Marching HomeMichael Pendragon
 `- Re: Ghosts Marching HomeNancyGene

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Re: Ghosts Marching Home

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Subject: Re: Ghosts Marching Home
From: nancygen...@gmail.com (NancyGene)
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 by: NancyGene - Tue, 21 Mar 2023 12:16 UTC

On Wednesday, December 6, 2017 at 4:00:02 AM UTC, drive-by wrote:
> Ghosts Marching Home
>
>
>
> Rise and walk into the
> consciousness of those
> that turned away from the plight
> of brutality, deaf
> to the nightly screams
> that pierced the neighborhood
>
> Rise shattered children
> march in unison to the place
> where blueberries smile back
> at your innocence,
> where nothing but soft clouds
> tuck you to bed,
> a feather tickles you awake,
> you are safe there.

There is no safe place anymore. Bullets pierce walls.

Re: Ghosts Marching Home

<daeb3452-e805-428b-81d0-4a93401d6cb8n@googlegroups.com>

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Subject: Re: Ghosts Marching Home
From: michaelm...@gmail.com (Michael Pendragon)
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 by: Michael Pendragon - Tue, 21 Mar 2023 14:33 UTC

On Tuesday, March 21, 2023 at 8:16:52 AM UTC-4, NancyGene wrote:
> On Wednesday, December 6, 2017 at 4:00:02 AM UTC, drive-by wrote:
> > Ghosts Marching Home
> >
> >
> >
> > Rise and walk into the
> > consciousness of those
> > that turned away from the plight
> > of brutality, deaf
> > to the nightly screams
> > that pierced the neighborhood[.]

Closing punctuation.

> > Rise shattered children
> > march in unison to the place
> > where blueberries smile back
> > at your innocence,
> > where nothing but soft clouds
> > tuck you to bed,
> > a feather tickles you awake[;]

This break requires a semicolon or em dash.

> > you are safe there.
> There is no safe place anymore. Bullets pierce walls.

"There is no safe place" contradicts the preceding line. Yes, the shattered children are ghosts in some sort of heavenly after-existence, and this line refers to the world/life, but the contradiction needs to be corrected. I suggest: "There is no safe place down here anymore."

Re: Ghosts Marching Home

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Subject: Re: Ghosts Marching Home
From: nancygen...@gmail.com (NancyGene)
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 by: NancyGene - Tue, 21 Mar 2023 15:17 UTC

On Tuesday, March 21, 2023 at 2:33:41 PM UTC, Michael Pendragon wrote:
> On Tuesday, March 21, 2023 at 8:16:52 AM UTC-4, NancyGene wrote:
> > On Wednesday, December 6, 2017 at 4:00:02 AM UTC, drive-by wrote:
> > > Ghosts Marching Home
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > Rise and walk into the
> > > consciousness of those
> > > that turned away from the plight
> > > of brutality, deaf
> > > to the nightly screams
> > > that pierced the neighborhood[.]
>
> Closing punctuation.
> > > Rise shattered children
> > > march in unison to the place
> > > where blueberries smile back
> > > at your innocence,
> > > where nothing but soft clouds
> > > tuck you to bed,
> > > a feather tickles you awake[;]
>
> This break requires a semicolon or em dash.
> > > you are safe there.
> > There is no safe place anymore. Bullets pierce walls.
> "There is no safe place" contradicts the preceding line. Yes, the shattered children are ghosts in some sort of heavenly after-existence, and this line refers to the world/life, but the contradiction needs to be corrected. I suggest: "There is no safe place down here anymore."
Yes, you are right. Our observation concerns earthly life. It remains to be seen if Heaven is safe, but certainly Hell is not.

arts / alt.arts.poetry.comments / Re: Ghosts Marching Home

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