On Monday, 1 November 2021 at 21:09:36 UTC-4, Michael Pendragon wrote:
> On Monday, November 1, 2021 at 6:48:58 PM UTC-4, Will Dockery wrote:
> > On Monday, November 1, 2021 at 5:23:59 PM UTC-4, Zod wrote:
> > > On Monday, November 1, 2021 at 4:05:35 PM UTC-4, jdcha...@gmail.com wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Can that poem possibly be ANY more ridiculous and pathetic and absurd and downright SILLY?! It is exceedingly rude and crude and gross and vulgar and puerile and offensive!!! It is terribly SAD that Michael's energies are devoted to regularly posting such lowbrow, obnoxious, immature drivel rather than something worthy of his time and energy and intelligence! shameful!
> > >
> > > Nailed it....
> > He did, indeed.
> What's this?
>
> A thread that doesn't include a copy of "THE SHADOWVILLE MYTHOS: Ode to My Slurp-puppet"???
>
> This oversight will have to be corrected:
>
> THE SHADOWVILLE MYTHOS: Ode to My Slurp-puppet
>
> "Thanks for the nod on my rod, General Zod.
> Watch my rod nod at the sight of your bod.
> I'll shoot my wad if you'll call me your God.
> So thanks for the nod on my rod, General Zod.
>
> "You know I love all the sweet things you say,
> Look at my rod, it gets bigger every day!
> And my ass is as large as a Chevrolet!
> So thanks, General Wank, and keep slurping away.
>
> "Thanks for the slurp on my sphinc, General Stink,
> Slurp while I burp, play the perp to my twink.
> Call me your blubber-butt, cuddly and pink.
> And thanks for the slurp on my sphinc, General Stink.
>
> "You know I’m grateful that you do me for free,
> You even stand watch when I take a wee-wee.
> Our lust is pure love, none can say it’s smutty.
> Heh thanks, General Scruff, you’re a fluff Ph.D.
>
> "Thanks for the lube on my moob, General Pube.
> Open my shirt and we’ll star on YouTube.
> My gut expands like a truck inner tube.
> I’m thankful a rube loves my moob, General Pube.
>
> “You know I adore when you dip on my dork.
> You transform my fat bacon to hog-bottom pork.
> We could take our act to East Coast New York.
> Stand by, I thank, General Z, pop my cork.
>
> "Thanks for the yank on my wank, General Stank
> I’ll be your Bubba and you’ll be my skank
> Pull down my tent pants and give me a spank
> And thanks for the yank on my wank, General Stank.
>
> “I love when you sodom my bod, General Zod
> We're snuggled together like peas in a pod
> Mind if I call you Todd, General Zod?
> I can do what I want to because I'm your god.
>
> “Merci for the head in the shed, General Zed.
> You couldn’t hurt Dave when you bashed in his head.
> I know and forgive since we all are inbred.
> Oui oui, for the head in the shed, General Zed.
>
> “We need to try keeping this on the down low.
> I’m hiding your boots underneath my faux ‘fro.
> You’ve influenced me more than PopEye and Ed Poe.
> Gracias, General Ho, do you think Coco knows?
>
> "Thanks for the pull on my pid, General Did
> I’ll flip my lid when you find where it’s hid
> Under my fat like a flat katydid
> So thanks for the pull on my pid, General Did.
>
> “Note that I whoosh when you smooch on my cooch.
> You always are nearby as my service pooch.
> Remember playing Navy in the waves of the Hooch?
> You’re a dandelion Summer’s Eve, General Douche.
>
> "Thanks for the lick on my stick, General Prick
> I’ll flick my Bic if you’ll fondle my dick
> Just watch out for dick cheese, we don’t want you sick
> And thanks for the lick on my stick, General Prick.
>
> “We know that your paintings are all photo fakes
> But maybe they’ll buy us three Rochester steaks?
> We’re living the life of no give and all takes.
> Let’s post ‘til he wakes, take no breaks, General Shakes.
>
> "Thanks for the toot on my flute, General Poot
> Your tongue is a gerbil that scoots up my chute
> I'll let out a "Hoot!" as we watch my splooge shoot
> So thanks for the toot on my flute, General Poot.
>
> "Adventure calls when you spelunk in my junk.
> The Navy taught you not to recoil from funk.
> To your nose, I’m perfumed, a Guano Cave Hunk.
> So drive in your pitons, I’m sunk, General Skunk.
>
> "Thanks for the hump on my rump, General Shlump.
> Watch my rump jump with each thump-thump-thump-thump!
> You paint like a chimp but you know how to pump
> So thanks for the hump on my rump, General Shlump.
>
> "You tidy the thatch when you tooth-rake my snatch
> And don’t hesitate when the new weevils hatch.
> They latch on my bod and have learned to play catch.
> No spray is your match, don’t detach, General Scratch.
>
> "Thanks for the smack on my crack, General Whack.
> I’ll spread my butt-cheeks and give you a snack.
> Friends come and go, but you’ve sure got my back.
> So thanks for the smack on my crack, General Whack.
>
> "You know I love when you chew on my waffle.
> You look at my balls like a pita falafel.
> We pledged our love, even though it’s unlawful.
> A jail term’s not awful, or offal, General Brothel.
>
> "Thank you for the hickey on my dickie, General Sticky
> I don’t mean to be picky, but you’re smelling kind of icky.
> Roll me over, Chickie Baby, and you’ll earn yourself a quickie,
> And thank you for the hickey on my dickie, General Sticky.
>
> "I love your work on my dork, Zod ol' chap.
> Your face in my waist, your head in my lap.
> I don't want to sound like a sap,
> But you're great when I don't want to fap.
>
> "Thanks for the blow on my toe, General Schmo.
> So glad you know how to go nice and slow.
> Sandy is handy, but yo is my ho.
> So thanks for the blow on my toe, General Schmo.
>
> “It’s always a treat when you kiss both my feet.
> You say they smell sweet though you can’t help but bleat.
> Please say you won’t cheat, I’m your meat on the street.
> You’re a seat athlete, come and eat, General Teat.
>
> "Thanks for the lay yesterday, General Gay.
> My legs will splay if you’ll come in and play.
> Clay’s gone away, so you’re welcome to stay.
> And thanks for the lay yesterday, General Gay.
>
> “Please know that I love when you slop on my mop.
> You can't bear to stop unless popped by a cop.
> We could live out our days at the Sweet Gum Head-shop.
> Bop, bop, bop, plop, plop, plop, wanna swap, General Flop?
>
> ”Thanks for ingesting my shit, General Zit.
> I’ll sit on your face, but I cain’t do no split.
> A twit and a git make a wonderful fit,
> So thanks for ingesting my shit, General Zit.”
>
> "I love when you cook up that rat-a-tat-tooey.
> The meal is so tender and not at all chewy.
> I lost all my teeth so I like my food poo-y.
> I’ll misuse a French word for you, General Ennui.
>
> "Thanks for ingesting my crap, General Sap.
> Snap my jockstrap and I’ll give you the clap.
> Squeeze my flap of fat and pretend it’s a pap,
> And thanks for ingesting my crap, General Sap.
>
> "Feel free to feed off my back and reply.
> Did you notice we posted 100 old lies?
> Will my body heat help your beard to drip dry?
> Shoe polish is great, you look young, General Fly.
>
> "Thanks for the drool on my tool, General Fool.
> I’m just a mule, but you think I’m so cool.
> Too bad you smell like a rancid cesspool.
> But thanks for the drool on my tool, General Fool.
>
> "I love how you rub on my nub, General Bub.
> I’m big as a tub, but my nub’s just a stub.
> Lift up my chub and give it a good scrub,
> I’m your tub of blubber, you’re my General Bub.
>
> "Thanks for the wank on my crank, Zod.
> Your stank on my flank makes me feel like a god.
> The rank stank on my flank
> Means I don't have to wank
> Thanks for visiting my bod.
>
> "Sit on my face any time and place
> Your old dharma bum has an odious taste
> I may have to replace you with Isaac L. Chase
> His jordy’s a shorty, but you’re a disgrace.
>
> "Thanks for the nod on my rod, Zod!
> You're a god to my rod, Zod.
> I'm no clod, I know my bod,
> The nod to my rod is sod to my bod.
>
> "I love how you twiddle my twig, General Pig,
> Fadiddling my piddle may make it grow big.
> Just twirl it about like your own whirligig.
> When I splooge in your mouth you can take a big swig.
>
> "Thanks for the nod on my rod, Zod ol' boy.
> Your nod on my rod brings me plenty of joy.
> For honesty's sake, let's not be coy.
> I really like you as a boy toy.
>
> "I love when you slime me with cum, General Scum,
> You gum on my balls till my pecker gets numb.
> You’re dumber than dumb, but you suck on my bum
> Then stick in your thumb as you search for a plum.
>
> "Thanks for tangling with my dangling, Zod.
> I love it when your toothless gums massage my bod.
> You never lag on the sag of my wag.
> Let's get together, you old fag.
>
> "I love when you positively scrutinize my scrotum.
> You say it smells fruity when you douse it with rum.
> Although my balls look like two wads of chewed gum,
> You skim off my pond scum, thank you, General Dumb.
>
> "Thanks for the whack on my arm, General Dharma.
> The bone didn’t crack, so there’s really no harm;
> Though I’m sad to relate, Brother Dave bought the farm…
> But thanks for the whack on my arm, General Dharma
>
> "Your reading and comments really are great.
> You never say bad things about my gross weight.
> The germs on my body date, mate and mutate.
> I’m glad we’re not straight but inmates, General Sate.
>
> "Thanks for the nail in my tail, General Fail.
> Your kiss tastes like poop and you smell a bit stale,
> Let’s bang Nephew Jordy and make that bitch wail!
> And keep nailing this whale in the tail, General Fail.
>
> "Keep your damn hands off my kid, General Zid.
> Diddle his dunghole, but don't pull his pid.
> You want Clay, you pay! -- and you've nothing to bid.
> So keep your damn hands off my kid, General Zid.
>
> "Thanks for the meal on Jim’s dime, General Slime.
> A scam that rewarding was well worth our time.
> I pity the fools who insist it’s a crime.
> And thanks for the meal on Jim’s dime, General Slime.
>
> "Feel free to ogle Sarah’s bountiful tits.
> Those suckers are big as my hairy arm pits.
> You’ll see more if you buy a fishing permit,
> So buy and she’ll fill up your mitts, General Twit.
>
> "Thank you for buying my book, General Schnook
> You can squeeze Sarah’s boobs, but give my moobs a look.
> Folks tell me my poems are gobbledygook,
> But thank you for buying my book, General Schnook.
>
> "I love what you’ve smeared in my beard, General Weird,
> though you had to climb up on my gut (triple tiered).
> I cheered when you called me your tuna, flap-eared.
> (And I’m not pregnant yet, as we both had first feared.)
>
> "Thank you for slurping my load, General Toad.
> I’ve heard that it tastes like a backed up commode.
> I splooged up your beard as I crowed ‘Thar she blowed!’
> So thank you for slurping my load, General Toad.
>
> "Oh, Zod! You sycophant!
> You're exactly what I want!
> Let's not talk
> About the lock you've got on my cock
> Just make sure you're carrying a sock.
>
> "Thanks for rereading my words, General Turd.
> You take coprophagia to heights quite absurd.
> When folks call them ‘garbage,’ you flip them the bird,
> So thanks for rereading my words, General Turd.
>
> "I love how you diddle my twat, General Snot.
> Your tongue in my dunghole always makes me hot.
> I know that you’d rather be raping a tot.
> Ass is legal – so take what you’ve got.
>
> "Thanks for the tug on my jug, Zod
> Your holds on my folds are like God.
> I'm glad you've got no teeth to bite,
> Teeth marks there would be quite a sight.
>
> "Forget old Loretta, she’s just a skank ho.
> She’s banged every tramp in the camp and what’s mo,
> I banged her myself, though it cost me some dough.
> Though she’ll take skunk or crack, horse, hash, blue dolls or blow.
>
> "Thanks for inspiring this Ode, General Blowed.
> You’re not without charm, for a squat, smarmy toad.
> I’ll give you a kiss if you’ll swallow my load.
> And thanks for inspiring this Ode, General Blowed.
>
> "You slurp all my posts and you never complain.
> You’d tell me to FOAD if you had half a brain.
> I hope my old tarp keeps you safe from the rain.
> Now shut up and diddle my piddle again!
>
> "Thanks for being so keen on my bean, Zod.
> Your attention is always welcome on my rod.
> I'll write another poem and we'll trod to your pod,
> Where you can nod on my bod in the sod.
>
> "I’ll hold you and squeeze you like you was a bunny
> And if that doesn’t please you, I’ll give you some money;
> I’ve got fourteen cents, so our future looks sunny…
> Now whip out that tongue cause my bunghole is runny.
>
> "Thanks for the roll in the hay, General Gay.
> You’re not much on foreplay, but better than Clay.
> If I close my eyes, you could be Lady K.
> So suck up and slobber away, General Gay.
>
> "You’re such a sphinc for my dink, General Stink.
> I’m glad that you finally got out of the clink.
> Clay may be my son, but you’re my favorite twink.
> You gurgle all night like the drain in my sink.
>
> "Thanks for the dance on my pants, Zod.
> You really know how to work on my bod!
> Your pat on my back
> Is even greater on my sac
> Now let's see what you can do on my rod.
>
> "Try not to drool on my fat, General Gnat.
> I know what you’re thinking, but I’ll squash you flat.
> So put down that knife and go hunt down a rat.
> And keep your old drool off my fat, General Gnat.
>
> "Thank you for chugging my train, General Stain.
> You tug and you chug and you drive me insane.
> Call me ‘Out-damn-standing!’ then slurp me again!
> And thank you for chugging my train, General Stain.
>
> "Oh, Zod! You wonderful man!
> Kiss my ass? Sure you can!
> If you'll massage my groin,
> I'll give you a coin.
> You're my greatest fan!
>
> "Thanks for the shake of my jake, Zod.
> Your take on my jake is no fake.
> Let's make a break for the lake,
> Where you can make more shake on my jake.
>
> "Don’t shoot your scum on my bum, General Dumb.
> I need my protein and should swallow some.
> One-Drum Derundo’s ho gives a great hum-
> Job and won’t let you go till you cum.
>
> "Thanks for the sore on my tool, General Whore.
> I’ve had scabs, clap and crabs, but not herpes before.
> You’d best not have AIDS or I’ll show you the door…
> But thanks for the sore on my tool, General Whore.
>
> "I love when you smooch on my cooch, General Pooch.
> My balls are so small they’re the size of a brooch.
> I’ll give you some smokes so you won’t have to mooch.
> You can wash down my splooge with a bootle of hooch.
>
> "Thanks for the pat on the back, Jordy!
> Your flat pat on my back was close to my sac!
> How about you and I go walk down to Zod,
> Where you and he can admire my bod?
>
> "I love how you handle my D, General Z.
> Ol’ Sandy’s got nothing on you, I can see.
> Roll it and pat it and slurp down my pee,
> Here comes the payload, I’m going to squee!
>
> "Thanks for the flick of my prick, Zod.
> You're just right for my 'bod.
> Perhaps we could meet under your tent,
> After all--you don't pay rent.
> Then see how you nod on my rod.
>
> "I love how you bounce on my butt, General Mutt.
> I’m sixteen times fatter than Jabba the Hutt.
> You suck my left nut like a toothless old slut.
> Be careful you don’t get squashed under my gut.
>
> "Thank you for munching my poo, General Doo.
> No one chews doo-doo as gaily as you.
> You’re always ready to second my spew,
> You look like a chimp, and you smell like one too.
>
> "I love how you gum on my scabs, General Crabs.
> You never make fun of my beer barrel abs.
> You suck on my buttcheeks like two bacon slabs
> And wipe up my jism with delicate dabs.
>
> "Thanks for the thrill, Will.
> Your posts give me a chill.
> Let's say hello and good day,
> In our own moronic way,
> Then celebrate by doing more still.
>
> "Let’s all say ‘Good day’ to our friend Isaac, too.
> He’s gayer than gay and he slurps up our spew.
> But much as I love him, you still are my boo.
> So bend over, General, and give me a screw.
>
> "Thanks for the nip on my hip, Zod.
> Your grip on my hip gives me quite a zip.
> Let's run to the river, where we'll shiver,
> And go together for a dip.
>
> "The Chattahoochee’s full of shit,
> But it’s such fun to skinny dip
> With my lil’ buddy, General Zit
> That it’s always worth the trip.
>
> "Thanks for the slap to my lap, Zod.
> You always know how to polish my rod.
> When I see you heading my way,
> I feel amazingly gay,
> Now let's go roll in the hay.
>
> "I love when you nuzzle my fuzz, General Guzzle.
> Ol' Did really does and he does love to snuzzle.
> Folks say when he's gets buzzed that old bitch needs a muzzle.
> But push come to shove, that old putz sure can guzzle.
>
> "Thank you for spanking my donkey, General Monkey.
> Now wipe of that chin cause it's gotten quite spunky.
> You let me ride 'cowgirl' though I'm a bit chunky.
> And thank you for spanking my donkey, General Monkey.
>
> "I love when you splooge on my cheek, General Pipsqueak,
> Then lick it all off before I can speak.
> Next you yank down my pants, give my wanker a tweak
> Then gum it till I'm limp and weak.
>
> "Thanks for the walk to my cock, Zod.
> Your wiggles make me giggle.
> Let's do it again,
> Heck, it's not a sin.
> Why not stop for a wiggle on Wednesday?
>
> "I love how you lap up my splooge, General Stooge.
> You couldn’t be sweeter if you was my cooze.
> My willie is small, and my moobs are quite huge
> But you gulp down my jizz just like booze.
>
> "Thank you for slurping my slop, General Slob.
> You squee when I squirt a big glob in your gob.
> You smile with glee when your head starts to bob.
> Please don’t burp when you’re slurping my slop, General Slob.
>
> "I love how your butthole's so tight, General Shite.
> The band's are tight too, but yours fits me just right.
> Now Screechy can suck me long into the night,
> But you've got no teeth, so there's no chance you'll bite.
>
> "Thank you for straddling my pole, General Hole.
> You get me so hot that I lose all control.
> I feel something furry... are you felching a mole?
> But thank you for straddling my pole, General Hole.
>
> "Lordy, jordy!
> Your hellos and good-days
> Always attract my gaze.
> Let's you and I
> Off for some pizza pie,
> And giggle over our trollish ways.
>
> "Thank you for nibbling my nub, General Zub.
> You slurp up my gibbering and give me a rub.
> You swallow my splooge with a glub-glub-glub-glub.
> So I thank you for nibbling my nub, Gerneral Zub.
>
> "I love your nod on my rod, Zod!
> We're like two peas in a pod.
> Your touch of my wang
> Gives me a bang
> Now touch faster! Oh God!
>
> "Thank you for slobbering my head, General Slop.
> You slurp it and gulp it and don’t want to stop.
> But keep your zid hid or I’ll call for a cop.
> Still I thank you for slobbering my head, General Slop.
>
> "I love how you tongue my bunghole, General Mole.
> For a scrawny old redneck, you do it with soul.
> But it’s best when you twist your whole fist in my hole
> And when I’m dead and gone, you can still bone my skull.
>
> "Thanks for the rub on my nub, Zod.
> Your cheers and my spittle
> Puts us in the middle
> Of something quite odd.
> Let's write, not fight,
> Then troll into the night
> If you want, you can call me a God.
>
> "I love how you wiggle my shrimp, General Chimp.
> You jiggle, I giggle, too bad my shrimp’s limp.
> If you’ll be my pig, I’ll be your Goodyear blimp.
> I’ll peel my banana for you, General Chimp.
>
> "Thank you for tickling me dick, General Prick.
> You’re better than ‘Retta at turning a trick.
> A quarter a quickie, or ten cents a lick.
> I got fitty cent, but don’t know ‘rithmetick.”
>
> -- Will Dockery, "Ode to My Slurp-puppet"