Will Dockery wrote:

> On Thursday, September 8, 2022 at 8:58:39 PM UTC-4, vhug...@gmail.com wrote:
>> Michael Pendragon wrote:
>>
>> > On Wednesday, August 31, 2022 at 10:48:41 PM UTC-4, ibsh...@gmail.com wrote:
>> >
>>
>> >> But what, alas? I'm gazing from afar
>>
>> > Alas?
>>
>> > FYI: Poets who use words like a "alas" (unless they're writing a period poem) are laughed at as crass, unlettered amateur, poseurs.
>> Like Jim Senetto does quite often..?
>>
>> https://groups.google.com/g/alt.arts.poetry.comments/c/zVggf29mnVA/m/hnteHXlwAwAJ
>>
>> "raising skin and bone armies but alas,
>> no match to that which stands firm.." -Jim Senetto
>>
>>
>> https://groups.google.com/g/alt.arts.poetry.comments/c/9_hgzctMDP0/m/zjS7YSCKCAAJ
>> "but alas, I don’t have enough ammunition to rid all, just imagination..." -Jim Senetto
>>
>>
>> ???

> Good find.

They didn't like this one, but I meant no offense...

Just telling it like it is....

On Thursday, September 29, 2022 at 1:16:59 AM UTC-4, Zod wrote:
> Will Dockery wrote:
>
> > On Thursday, September 8, 2022 at 8:58:39 PM UTC-4, vhug...@gmail.com wrote:
> >> Michael Pendragon wrote:
> >>
> >> > On Wednesday, August 31, 2022 at 10:48:41 PM UTC-4, ibsh...@gmail.com wrote:
> >> >
> >>
> >> >> But what, alas? I'm gazing from afar
> >>
> >> > Alas?
> >>
> >> > FYI: Poets who use words like a "alas" (unless they're writing a period poem) are laughed at as crass, unlettered amateur, poseurs.
> >> Like Jim Senetto does quite often..?
> >>
> >> https://groups.google.com/g/alt.arts.poetry.comments/c/zVggf29mnVA/m/hnteHXlwAwAJ
> >>
> >> "raising skin and bone armies but alas,
> >> no match to that which stands firm.." -Jim Senetto
> >>
> >>
> >> https://groups.google.com/g/alt.arts.poetry.comments/c/9_hgzctMDP0/m/zjS7YSCKCAAJ
> >> "but alas, I don’t have enough ammunition to rid all, just imagination..." -Jim Senetto
> >>
> >>
> >> ???
>
> > Good find.
> They didn't like this one, but I meant no offense...
>
> Just telling it like it is....

No you aren't, General.

You posted it to imply that Jim would be a "crass, unlettered amateur, poseur" as per my statement, above.

What you fail to understand is that my statement listed one exception, which implies that there are other exceptions -- hence my original reply:

In the first poem, Jim is using the archaism to play off of the Biblical reference that precedes it: "we go forth and multiply
raising skin and bone armies but alas..."

In the second, he's using it to foreshadow a reference to the Constitution, however, I don't think that it works quite as well there: "but alas, I don’t have enough ammunition to rid all, just imagination
which I am allowed under the Constitution."

In both instances, the word is used non-melodramatically and doesn't draw attention to itself.

Mind you, I'm not saying that I approve of Jim's word choice -- however, if one does opt to use an archaism, Jim's use does not prove detrimental to his verse.

[END QUOTE]

Jim's writing isn't perfect (we're all amateurs here), but it's a world above anything you've ever written. Suggesting improvements is helpful and appreciated. Repeatedly attacking/ridiculing someone over an error or flaw, is not.

Ilya's use of the stereotypical "poeticism," "alas!" as filler is detrimental to his poem. Jim's use, otoh, is far less obtrusive, and somewhat justified by the text.

Instead of following the Donkey's finger-pointing troll tactics, you should focus on helping Ilya improve his poem. (HINT: Kissing his ass doesn't do either of you any good.)

General-Zod wrote:

> Will Dockery wrote:

>> On Thursday, September 8, 2022 at 8:58:39 PM UTC-4, vhug...@gmail.com wrote:
>>> Michael Pendragon wrote:
>>>
>>> > On Wednesday, August 31, 2022 at 10:48:41 PM UTC-4, ibsh...@gmail.com wrote:
>>> >
>>>
>>> >> But what, alas? I'm gazing from afar
>>>
>>> > Alas?
>>>
>>> > FYI: Poets who use words like a "alas" (unless they're writing a period poem) are laughed at as crass, unlettered amateur, poseurs.
>>> Like Jim Senetto does quite often..?
>>>
>>> https://groups.google.com/g/alt.arts.poetry.comments/c/zVggf29mnVA/m/hnteHXlwAwAJ
>>>
>>> "raising skin and bone armies but alas,
>>> no match to that which stands firm.." -Jim Senetto
>>>
>>>
>>> https://groups.google.com/g/alt.arts.poetry.comments/c/9_hgzctMDP0/m/zjS7YSCKCAAJ
>>> "but alas, I don’t have enough ammunition to rid all, just imagination..." -Jim Senetto
>>>
>>>
>>> ???

>> Good find.

> They didn't like this one, but I meant no offense...

> Just telling it like it is....

Exactly.

Rachel wrote:

> On Friday, September 9, 2022 at 11:54:38 AM UTC-7, Will Dockery wrote:
>> On Friday, September 9, 2022 at 12:56:05 PM UTC-4, Rachel wrote:
>> > On Wednesday, August 31, 2022 at 7:48:41 PM UTC-7, ibsh...@gmail.com wrote:
>> >
>> > > You were the sugar in my Lipton tea,
>> > > You were my exaltation and delight
>> > > Like April blossoms on a cherry tree
>> > > You made new life from water and sun's light.
>> > >
>> > > I came to you and played inside your shade
>> > > And in your soft and gentle aura bathed
>> > > I sang to you a starlight serenade
>> > > And underneath your leaves my soul misplaced.
>> > >
>> > > I left it there, and it is there still
>> > > But I got lost and can find you no more,
>> > > Was it the inspiration? Was it will?
>> > > I'm shorn of everything that I adore.
>> > >
>> > > I saw in you the energy of love
>> > > And everything that's holy and divine,
>> > > And I can't say "my darling one" enough:
>> > > You were more tasty than the vintage wine.
>> > >
>> > > Now I will never hold your hands again
>> > > Or press my lips to you or touch your heart,
>> > > I'll write you many poems, all in vain,
>> > > And we are many, many miles apart,
>> > >
>> > > My soul is lost - where will it reappear?
>> > > I cannot find it - will you help me please?
>> > > Will you remember me or shed a tear
>> > > As I am calling you among the trees?
>> > >
>> > > You lift, alight, become airborne and fly
>> > > And lift my soul where it would never go,
>> > > And as I look at you and ask you why
>> > > You only answer me, I told you so.
>> > >
>> > > But what, alas? I'm gazing from afar
>> > > And maybe it is better off this way
>> > > For you, by now, have become a star
>> > > And I now dream of every yesterday.
>> > >
>> > > By Ilya Shambat
>> > > https://sites.google.com/site/ibshambatpoetry
>> > i just read the beginning of this earlier, my only poem for today, and stopped, cuz of lipton tea, cuz it reminds of stuff, lots of stuff, and then a follow-up coincidence!!!! (i mean, it's weird....i was just, well, i can't give it away....is that weird that all my stories are like meaningless coincidences, my doctor said they were just cool stories, i mean, i don't think anybody is talking to me or anything, it's sorta just like the twilight zone with the builders, for each planned minute of your life, or like when bob sings, it all falls there so perfectly, it all seems so well-timed) and now, i had decided, i'm so tired, i'm just going to rest today (until i "go" to shabbat), and i'm all sick of the tv stuff, queen, then i found this old tv show, somehow it was on, hazel, interesting....re: bob? anyway, so i started going through the menu, so sick of the levity or phony intense drama, and i just felt like i want to be *real*, and i see chariots of fire is still on, then sophie's choice, sort of like, yeah, i know this, reality, like when i was a kid....and i put it on....but i probably won't stick out sophie's choice, i just can't handle it anymore, i'm kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place in my life. :-////, anyway, and boom, the first thing i see is LIPTON TEA as a sponsor on the race track, for the two runners. :-) (i mean, if i told you the stuff i can't tell you, you'd go WOW!!!)
>> Good afternoon, Rachel.
>>
>> 🙂

> i wish... :(

Hi Rachel I hope you are feeling better....!

Zod wrote:
> Rachel wrote:

>> On Friday, September 9, 2022 at 11:54:38 AM UTC-7, Will Dockery wrote:
>>> On Friday, September 9, 2022 at 12:56:05 PM UTC-4, Rachel wrote:
>>> > On Wednesday, August 31, 2022 at 7:48:41 PM UTC-7, ibsh...@gmail.com wrote:
>>> >
>>> > > You were the sugar in my Lipton tea,
>>> > > You were my exaltation and delight
>>> > > Like April blossoms on a cherry tree
>>> > > You made new life from water and sun's light.
>>> > >
>>> > > I came to you and played inside your shade
>>> > > And in your soft and gentle aura bathed
>>> > > I sang to you a starlight serenade
>>> > > And underneath your leaves my soul misplaced.
>>> > >
>>> > > I left it there, and it is there still
>>> > > But I got lost and can find you no more,
>>> > > Was it the inspiration? Was it will?
>>> > > I'm shorn of everything that I adore.
>>> > >
>>> > > I saw in you the energy of love
>>> > > And everything that's holy and divine,
>>> > > And I can't say "my darling one" enough:
>>> > > You were more tasty than the vintage wine.
>>> > >
>>> > > Now I will never hold your hands again
>>> > > Or press my lips to you or touch your heart,
>>> > > I'll write you many poems, all in vain,
>>> > > And we are many, many miles apart,
>>> > >
>>> > > My soul is lost - where will it reappear?
>>> > > I cannot find it - will you help me please?
>>> > > Will you remember me or shed a tear
>>> > > As I am calling you among the trees?
>>> > >
>>> > > You lift, alight, become airborne and fly
>>> > > And lift my soul where it would never go,
>>> > > And as I look at you and ask you why
>>> > > You only answer me, I told you so.
>>> > >
>>> > > But what, alas? I'm gazing from afar
>>> > > And maybe it is better off this way
>>> > > For you, by now, have become a star
>>> > > And I now dream of every yesterday.
>>> > >
>>> > > By Ilya Shambat
>>> > > https://sites.google.com/site/ibshambatpoetry
>>> > i just read the beginning of this earlier, my only poem for today, and stopped, cuz of lipton tea, cuz it reminds of stuff, lots of stuff, and then a follow-up coincidence!!!! (i mean, it's weird....i was just, well, i can't give it away....is that weird that all my stories are like meaningless coincidences, my doctor said they were just cool stories, i mean, i don't think anybody is talking to me or anything, it's sorta just like the twilight zone with the builders, for each planned minute of your life, or like when bob sings, it all falls there so perfectly, it all seems so well-timed) and now, i had decided, i'm so tired, i'm just going to rest today (until i "go" to shabbat), and i'm all sick of the tv stuff, queen, then i found this old tv show, somehow it was on, hazel, interesting....re: bob? anyway, so i started going through the menu, so sick of the levity or phony intense drama, and i just felt like i want to be *real*, and i see chariots of fire is still on, then sophie's choice, sort of like, yeah, i know this, reality, like when i was a kid....and i put it on....but i probably won't stick out sophie's choice, i just can't handle it anymore, i'm kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place in my life. :-////, anyway, and boom, the first thing i see is LIPTON TEA as a sponsor on the race track, for the two runners. :-) (i mean, if i told you the stuff i can't tell you, you'd go WOW!!!)
>>> Good afternoon, Rachel.
>>>
>>> 🙂

>> i wish... :(

> Hi Rachel I hope you are feeling better....!

Agreed and seconded.